to make me smile.

To watch someone experience the opportunity of a lifetime is a rewarding experience, to watch someone you love better themselves with unbelievable situations is amazing..... but to miss out on the one you love enjoying their life is a challenge. Not an impossible challenge, but a challenge all the same.

Its like they are still in reach, yet right out of your grasp, like no matter how hard you try, or the passion you have.. you always fall short. To blow your chance is a nightmare.

If you think communication within relationships is difficult.... You have no idea the strength and love you must have as a foundation to undergo the communication shift when the one who you tell everything to is 5,140 miles out of your reach.

Yes I rant, rave, brag, and bitch about everything.... however when I look at the bigger picture I see someone who has the opportunity to further his dream, a dream that he speaks so passionate of that he loses himself with in it (in a good way). Not only does this someone have every corner of my heart, but he actually wants to be with me! He loves me for more then others have before.... He talks with me about my dreams for the future with the same passion he speaks of his dreams with. He says he loves everything from my every changing hair, to my "special foot".. he loves being around me when I am happy, yet still wants to hold me when I am not. He is strong and hard headed... He doesn't let me get away with shit. He calls me out. He keeps me in check. He puts up with me. He keeps me grounded. He has my heart.

Does he really know how much he means to me? Does he feel the excitement and unexplainable joy that comes with every communication encounter? Does he realize how much power he has in the palm of his hand?

No matter what the past/present/ future situations bring there are somethings I cant help but feel. (in no order)... Love, passion, jealousy, stress, excitement, longing, trust, faith, fear, butterflies, devotion, friendship, delight, respect, envy, confidence, dependence, independence, protection, expectations, anxiety, and many more.

However one feeling not felt by me is doubt.

Doubt: lack of faith, conviction; questioning.

Doubt is one emotion that has escaped me... The question is, How do I remind you that I have no doubt , no questions about it? You say I need not doubt our relationship.... The one thing I escape from doing... Just because I love communicating with someone important to me doesn't imply I have a lack of faith or trust. It simply means I have something that makes me incredibly happy right in my grasp, yet not in my control.

I never want to hinder his experiences, yet how do I relay that I enjoy hearing every detail. Since I do not have the opportunity to spend 5 months in spain, I love to experience your amazing adventure from here. Never to check up, never to bug, never to annoy, but to share.

Sharing helps relationships grow. Sharing everything from dreams, fears, and secrets to a box of Mickey Dees chicken nuggets and a diet coke in the middle of the night.

For me to invite someone into my heart on this level is a compliment. It is the only present I have to give. Before last May I avoided every relationship with the most outrageous excuses, I was nervous to let someone in who I felt had no intentions of keeping my heart whole.

You allowed me to change my outlook on relationships, for the better. I am grateful.

I am Laura Deee. I am in love and emotional. I do stupid things, and say crazy things.. I am unique, quirky, and hard headed....

........ my only explanation is that I am head over heals for a guy...

(explanation, NOT excuse)